the question

“What do you feel?”

This is the question Paul asked me when I attended his teacher training in 2012. It is a moment I will never forget.

“What do I feel?” had not been my first priority. My priority was to follow instructions so that I could do the Yoga poses correctly, which usually meant focusing on the aesthetics of the pose.

Paul asked the question because he wanted me to create my own unique pose to fit my unique mobility and “skeletability” (Paul’s term) by paying attention to what I feel. He couldn’t tell me how to create the pose because the only person that could do that was me.

This approach to Yoga that I learned from Paul, which he calls the functional approach, was such a change from how I practiced up till then. I was used to visual instructions so I felt lost. I had to start paying much more attention to what I feel.

It wasn’t that the external information and instructions that I had been following were absolutely wrong or bad, but they were too rigid, and didn’t allow for human variability.

My practice became more experimental and free. I started breaking the Yoga “rules” that I had followed up till then. I Tried　different hand and feet placements, new sequences and transitions. Even hyper-extending my elbows for minutes during my Yin practice! As long as I paid attention to what my body was feeling, I felt safe to explore.

As I shifted my Yoga practice in this direction, I started becoming more aware of my feelings in daily life as well. I became focused on how I truly felt, rather than how I was supposed to feel.

It wasn’t easy. When you are used to pleasing others, following rules, not going against the grain, you can lose touch with your own feelings. This is something I continue to practice. It is challenging but very rewarding at the same time because it feels like I am slowly uncovering who I truly am.

The day Paul asked me that question not only threw my Yoga practice upside down, but my personal life too. In a great way!